Almost a year!

I cannot believe it has been just about a year since I have started this blog. And little under a year since I posted. You would think that at this time I would have some great news, it could not be further from the truth. All the weight I lost for the wedding in March, I have gained back and then some. Yay me...I have been bouncing around and yo-yoing for quite sometime now. I lose it, then I gain it....I felt like I looked OK for my son's wedding in October, but really I could have been better. I look at the wedding pics and I am only in a few of them, because I had no desire to be in front of a camera. Which brings me to today. As I sit here in bed, someplace I have been for a few days now, I realized one thing...my eating habits, my exercise habits (or lack thereof) my lack of motivation, my lack of energy.....This is no way to live, this is a way to die. I have used so many excuses lately, I blame my MS, I blame PMS, I blame the winter, when in fact there is only one thing to blame, myself. I hate myself..I hate the way I feel, I hate the way I look. I seriously started to consider hiding all the mirrors in the house so I do not have to look at myself.

But that all must change....I MUST change...I want to like myself again, I want to feel better again..hell I want to live....So I make this vow right now, it starts now...my new life starts now...happiness starts now! Watch and see....

And Carie..I dedicate this blog to you since it has been on my mind ever since yo ubrought it up..last week or last month, whenever it was LOL

Florida

OK I have to admit I have been a bad girl lately! Still walking everyday, thats about it! Kinda watching what I eat..not as strict as I was..BUT still down the 25lbs And on Thursday morning at 4am I am off to Florida!!! Have a great week all who read this!!

update

Ok so My goal was to lose as much as I could by March 10th...so officially I have lost 25 lbs! I finally bought a dress for this wedding but I still feel like a COW!!!I know I wont feel comfortable immediately and it will take some time. My clothes are even looser now, and its a good feeling! I will keep working on this until the day we leave for Florida. But while I am on vacation...well lets just say I am looking forward to diners and southern cooking! hehehehe Then when we get back, I will get back to the diet! After all I still have my son's wedding to look HOT for in October!!

OOPS

Sorry I know it has been a few days since my last post! So last week I went shopping for a dress for this wedding...I got so damned depressed, since I still looked like a big fat fatty! Oh I need to bitch about Macy's and JC Penneys. Their idea of "PLus size clothing" is nothing but Moo-moos and potato sacks, and not a very good selection either! Obviously these stores think us plus size gals always want to look like Debbie-downers! Man that pissed me off!! OK sorry, where was I? Oh yes Im a big fat fatty! So I was depressed about no dresses, so I decided Pretzel dogs were just what I needed! Followed up by pizza for dinner! So I felt guilty and decided to get on the scale to see the damage. To my surprise I lost another pound! So I decided I should to get back on track...back to water and good foods...Just out of curiosity I got on the scale..ok as of this morning I have lost 25 flippin pounds!! DAMN!! I am pretty happy about it!

So the dress...I ordered one from HSN and it should be here tomorrow...20 bucks! Now to see if I like the way it looks on me...thats the question! LOL

Oh! I also went to the tattoo parlor to price my tattoo and I scheduled it for April 8th...even put a deposit down...GO ME!

My clothes

OK so as I said in my first post, I am off to Florida at the end of March. I pulled out some summer clothes to see what I had to take with me. Just for kicks I tried on my shorts from just last year and they just about fell off me!! What a great feeling!!!! Well except now I have to buy new ones, where the hell am I going to find shorts in march?? LOL Oh and also, I washed my jeans this morning and was so excited that I could put them on straight from the dryer with no problems at all, except they are pretty baggy!! So new clothes are on the horizon! But I hate to keep buying clothes, since I plan to keep losing weight!! This is one of those conundrums I am happy about!!

UGH

I was feeling so good about my weight loss yesterday and decided to have a full blown cheat day. I ended up eating General Tso's Chicken with white rice...OH YUMMMM But then I felt sooooo sick all day! I still managed to do some free weights and toning exercise!

So I woke up this morning feeling really out of sorts, course it did not help that the reason I woke up was the twins yelling at each other, man that pissed me off! But then I got thinking about a phone call I received yesterday. My best friend for over 30 years called me. I could tell something was not quite right. A little background She has neurofibromatosis, more commonly known as Elephant man's disease. Her mother had it, she has it and one of her daughters has it. Her tumors or lumps are not too bad, but on occasion she gets a lump here and there, no big deal. Her Mom had the little lumps all over, her daughter, age 25, has inoperable tumors in her brain...but she is living a fairly normal life and the docs never expected her to live this long..but she is a fighter and will live a very long life! OK back to the main subject, my best friend, Amy. She had a mammogram yesterday and it took a lot longer than normal, they ended up having to call the doc to look at it on the spot...needless to say, she has to have a biopsy next week. The Minute she told me my mind started wondering, I could not focus on anything else. She is extremely positive, which helped me get back into focus, but still, to think that my best friend could have....well you know...It is frightening. She is like a sister to me! Which by the way is funny, since a few years ago, my sister had the same scare. (My Sister btw, is a cancer survivor, she had thyroid cancer. All I could wonder at the time was "If she had cancer once does this increase her chances of having other kinds of cancer"? But luckily she was free and clear and remains that way to this day!} So back to Amy...we have known each other, forever it seems! We have been thru so much together, hell our oldest kids are only weeks apart! I am trying hard to only think positive thoughts, but there are times when I just want to sit and cry! Is it better to hold it in or to let it out?! I am not sure....either one could send me into a relapse (which happened during my sister;s scare) UUUGGGGH!!

So at least I got it off my chest...maybe this will help me to keep thinking and sending positive thoughts her way!

Another weigh in day!

23.5 lbs down!!!! I am THRILLED!!!! I concocted a new breakfast too! I use 2 packages of instant oatmeal (plain) add half teaspoon all natural peanut butter, a bit of honey and some strawberries...YUMMMMMMM